Le Sel
by Callisto Nicol
Summary: Raven and Ryss come to Van and Fiona's for breakfast...


Author's Note:Slightly AU.Okay, probably majorly AU…or at least majorly OOC since I have minimal knowledge in the area of Zoids…I also haven't seen the final four episodes (as of yet), so that is not included in my knowledge.My stupid little sister forgot to remind me it was on……..Beckmeister had better have recorded it….OH!! NOTE!! At the time I wrote this I didn't know for sure that Hiltz was an Ancient Zoidian, I only suspected, so the comment about them being only females is NOT accurate.(I told you I don't know as much about this as most…)

Disclaimer: I don't own it.I only own Le Sel.

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Le Sel

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"Fiona, why are you up already?" Van Flyheight yawned at seven in the morning.Seven o'clock was an un-Zily (a/n: You know, unearthly…planet Zi…) hour to be awake, especially on a Saturday morning when the world did not need to be saved.Collapsing into one of the kitchen chairs, Van slammed his head down on the table and very nearly fell asleep again."You're too chipper this early," he slurred, his sleepiness getting in the way of his speech."What's going on?"

Fiona smiled her bright smile as she continued turning around the kitchen, preparing what looked like it could pass for breakfast.She was already showered and dressed, her blonde hair left in its usual style of oddness."I'm getting breakfast ready, Van," she replied.She hummed a little tune that sounded vaguely like We Are All Enlisted 'Till the Conflict is O'er, not exactly what Van wanted to be hearing this early in the morning.To him it was more of a death march than a happy-go-lucky song about being enlisted.

"Why?" he moaned."What's so special about breakfast today?"

Pausing in her activities, Fiona looked at him in surprise."We're having guests today, Van, remember? I invited Ryss and Raven over for breakfast."

It's amazing how quickly a man can come to life."You did WHAT?!" Van exploded, shooting out of his seat as if he were on fire."Why do _they_ have to come _here_?"

"Because Ryss is a Zoidian, just like me, and I want to bond with her."Van groaned; he knew it, he just knew it.Anything that happened on a Saturday morning before eleven o'clock was not healthy.

A doorbell rang at that moment, and Fiona danced to the door to greet their guests.Van sat back down and slammed his head on the table repeatedly, hoping he could knock himself out.No such luck.He knew it was a bad idea to join the Guardian Force.All the rigorous fighting he went through trained him against being knocked out so easily.

Giving in to his wife's desire for friendship with Ryss, he stood up to greet Raven and Ryss.Raven.Raven was the one man on Planet Zi Van could have gone without ever seeing again.He was a complete lunatic, and his goal in life was to ruin Van's life.Raven had almost succeeded, and more than once, too.It didn't take much to get Raven—

"Are you going to stand around in your pajamas all day?" Raven interrupted his thoughts shortly.Van looked down at himself to realize his papaya boxers and a white t-shirt were the only things he had on.

"Heh, be right back…" Fiona's giggles followed him all the way upstairs.Why hadn't she said anything?Surely after eight years back in the real world she would have known men needed to be commanded in all things!It's why men got married, so they could have women telling them what to do every minute of the day.Their minds just didn't compute small things like getting dressed.

After five minutes of wading through dirty laundry, Van discovered he really did have a pair of jeans and a clean t-shirt.Slipping on his clothes he ran back downstairs as fast as he could.He didn't trust Raven alone with Fiona, even with Ryss as a chaperone.

"Coffee, anyone?" Fiona asked as Van re-entered the kitchen.Everyone mumbled a yes, and Fiona set about preparing the nasty brown liquid that stunted everyone's growth.

Van sat down at the kitchen table, opposite of Raven.He didn't trust the guy, and needed to keep a constant watch on him.Apparently Raven felt the same way, and the two were soon engaged in a staring contest, neither of them blinking or smiling.Heck, breathing seemed to be optional as well.

Amidst their rivalry, Fiona set down two steaming cups of coffee.Murmuring a thanks, both men took a swig at the same time, never once losing eye contact.Good, black coffee, just the way Van liked—

"Oh, gross, what is this crap?" Raven demanded, a puddle of coffee around him where he had spat it out.Van closed his eyes and swallowed very, very painfully.Had Raven not spit out his gulp, Van would have done so, but he would _not_ be placed on the same level as Raven, no matter what torture he had to endure.

"It's coffee," Fiona said, her voice ever innocent."Don't you like it?" She took another sip, as did Ryss.Both women seemed to like the concoction, or poison, as Van referred to it as.

Van pushed his cup away."Fiona, not everybody likes salt in their coffee, remember?"

"Salt?" Raven said."You put _salt_ in this?No wonder it tastes like Flyheight made it."

Ryss' blue eyes pierced both men."I like it.Drink up, or you'll let it go cold, and we don't like wasting coffee."

Raven returned Ryss' facial expression, glare for glare, but he grudgingly picked the mug back up and took another small sip.Van stared at Raven.Okay, sure, he wished death on Raven, but did the guy _really_ have to drink this nasty crap?Curse it all, now _he_ had to drink it as well or else Raven would look better than him, and he couldn't handle that.

Van stared at his mug before he picked it back up.This was death.He'd rather be fighting the Death Saurer again, and that truly _was_ death.Building up his resolve, he tried to convince himself that taste buds weren't that important; they were simply accessories.They grew back.Right?

The coffee was downed in five seconds.The downing was followed by gagging, which was followed by laughter provided by the spectators.Van started choking, and he could have sworn he was going to die, and yet they still laughed!Did his life mean that little to them?Okay, so it meant nothing to Raven, but what about Fiona?Didn't she care?They were _married_, weren't they?!

"Oh stop it, Van, it's not that bad," Fiona giggled.Not that bad, she said.Not that bad.HAH! _Not that bad, as I lie here_ dying, he thought bitterly._Looks like you won after all, Raven, and you didn't even have to kill me.The _salt_ did it_.A gentle hand shook his shoulder.No doubt the hand belonged to Fiona.The other two cared even less than she, and they had no reason to touch him."Come on, Van, stop play-acting.We have company over."Van groaned.Why wasn't he dead yet?The salt was vicious.It should have taken over his body, turned his brain to mush, and rotted his insides within seconds.

"Immature," Raven snorted."Like always."It's amazing how quickly a man can come to life.Van jumped up from the table and leapt at Raven's throat, prepared to kill him for that little insult—but, alas, fate was against him that day, for the kitchen table was in his way.Now not only was Van's head on the table, his entire body minus the feet and flailing arms were spread over the woodwork.

"Vaaaan!" Fiona shrieked."Your coffee is all over the floor now!"Van hit his head on the table.Making Fiona upset was the last thing he wanted to do, and yet here he had done it.It still wasn't eleven o'clock; this was all unhealthy.

Blue-haired Ryss set her mug of coffee on the counter top as she inspected the damage his saltified liquid had done.Her piercing gaze surveyed the scene as she calculated whatever it was she calculated in her head.Van dreaded what she would say.Women never had anything good to say at times like this.

On the other side of the corner Fiona was gripping the woodwork tightly, her knuckles and face rather pale.She couldn't handle good, salty coffee all over her kitchen floor. It almost seemed an insult to the small white cubes."Van, clean it up," she said softly.Bowing his head in submission, he didn't even think to question her, despite the humiliating situation he was in that Raven was viewing.

"Raven, help him," Ryss' clear voice of authority rang out.Saved by the other female!Now Raven had to be humiliated too.This was bearable.Van might make it to lunch after all.

Silently the two raven-haired males performed women's work as they soaked the coffee up with paper towels.Not much was said, until Raven chose to break the silence."All Zoidians are alike," he said.

"How so?" Van replied.

"They're all female, love salted coffee, and can order around the two most powerful Zoid pilots on the planet Zi.I swear it's a conspiracy; Hiltz didn't realize how good he had it to have Ryss under his control."_Hiltz is an ancient Zoidian, too. ~Elise_

Wow, a moment of communal understanding!Van couldn't have voiced it better if he had tried.Okay, maybe he could have, but it was Raven's turn to shine.Van smiled at the man, and it was in companionable silence that they finished their duty of wiping clean the coffee spill.Maybe they could be friends after all.It was easy to find common ground in reference to salty-coffee-loving ancient Zoidians.

They shared another look.Life-long rivals, they had tried to kill each other numerous times, exchanging many insults along the line.Serious damage, psychological and physiological, had been inflicted on both parties, but all that could be put aside in the face of friendship.They could do it, with effort on both sides.They could become friends, maybe even best buddies.

Learning to like salty coffee would come first.

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A/N: Eh, there's my one-shot at a Zoids fic!Did it suck? (Shut up, Becca…and you too, AE) REVIEW!! Please, no flames, they might make me combust and then you'll smell like sulfur, and we all know how tragic that would not be.Love, Luck, and Legolas!~~Callisto Nicol __


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